Parents are from Jupiter, I am from Pluto

father: alice, what date would you like to travel on?

alice: hmm y date.

father: i think you should travel on x date.

alice: no, am good with y date.

father: no you are not. x date is good.

alice: no father i am ok with y date.

father: THIS is the problem....you think you know wat is good for you, but you dont..thats why you are in your current state.

alice: ok father so you pick a date and tell me and i will travel on that date.

father: WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??why do you not respect your elders?

alice: huh?!?! (Stunned silence for a few seconds.)

alice: wat are you saying? where does all this come from? i was trying to listen to you...you say you know better (voice starts to break)so i was just trying (wail wail wail) to be a good daughter...why do you, (sob sob) ask me questions if you dont want my answer??

Just another thursday evening for some of us.

learn to be still

Learn to be Still- Eagles
It's just another day in paradise
As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness
Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied
But you never will- Learn to be still

We are like sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be alone
So we wander 'round this desert
And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another
And they keep answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed messiah
Meets a violent farewell- Learn to be still Learn to be still

Now the flowers in your garden
They don't smell so sweet
Maybe you've forgotten
The heaven lying at your feet
There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send (We keep asking)
How do I get out of here Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will- Learn to be still
Learn to be still
You just keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'

today is one of those (of late, frequent) days when i feel absolutely alone and confused. being unemployed means i have a lot of time to think and to absorb vibes from my surroundings. i wonder, a LOT, about relationships.
2 days later- i decided to edit this post coz it was too personal.

The Right Attitude to Rain

I feel inexplicably elated today. I love the rain. And as I watched the raindrops pelt to the earth this afternoon, I felt a sudden surge of pure joy. One of those incredibly beautiful moments when you are just happy to be alive and are unaware of everything else. Coming from a tropical land as I do, one would think I was used to the monsoons. But I still love the smell of wet earth with the first drops of rain and I still wonder at the sheer beauty of the landscape transformed by rain. I love the way the sea rages in a storm, the waves crashing to the shore and I loving falling asleep to the lullaby of thunder. When I was in Delhi I loved getting wet in the rain on the terrace in my oh-so-beautiful house. Why is it that my heart feels twisted whenever I think of Delhi. My Delhi. I hope you know that I didn't want to leave.

For the rest of my life, when I think of rain, there will be two memories- one is from several years ago, when I stood at the window of my house and saw the trees and fields outside in the rain, illuminated by lightning. I remember closing my eyes and telling myself that this was a perfect moment- a moment when I was happy by myself. The other is from last year. I was walking through the market in Delhi in the rain and caught a glimpse of a girl with a curly mop of hair in a shop window. It took me a few seconds to recognise myself with the rainy-day hair. How well we know ourselves?

NP and I had a conversation last night about such moments. He thinks one needs to be with someone while experiencing such moments- so that you tie your experience down with a shared memory. I think you need to experience such moments alone- unaffected by any other presence. Just you living in that moment. Wholly. We both agreed that it was usually not possible to articulate such moments and that even memories can be treacherous.

Here I Am

here i am...doing something i vowed i never would...write something for the world to see...never mind that the world wouldn't know who the writer was...coz i believe that anything written with a reader in mind would be coloured....but today, on a lazy saturday, i realised i wouldn't mind putting up something for the world to read...even a slightly coloured version of what i felt...